The Notebook!

I have been sick. I smoke and that’s bad, I know .. since I started lighting up I get sick every year. I need to quit, I know. But people do stupid things for reasons I might explain one day. 

When I get sick, simply, I make a giant pot of something soupy and bring the magic tea kit nearby and get bored in bed. So, I decided to watch something .. that doesn’t involve much thinking. 

A stupid movie flashed out on the hard drive and I decided to watch it one more time to see what’s it really about that gotten everybody mad about it. I played the Notebook. 

I made a cup of regular tea “addiction” and watched it. While it’s playing I caught myself multiple times thinking “what an irresponsible action” .. “what an immature man” .. “what a childish girl” .. “what an arrogant mother” .. and once his white house was ready I was like  .. “what a sour tea” since I can’t taste a thing and all that’e left for me is a physiological function of my tongue that decided my delicious tea is actually sour. 

I just realized one thing. Yes, I hate politicians but in fact I agree with myself when I thought “I respect politicians”. 

Have you ever read the label printed on the inner wall of a shampoo bottle while showering? despite the fact that you like you’re new choice because this shampoo smells really nice .. when the bottle is full, you really enjoy reading the label inside more than if it was printed outside. It’s really fun. The letters are big, and you can play with the fraction line of light to enlarge half of the word and so. 

It’s like seeing your finger print on one face of a crystal from another surface opposite to it. A crystal got many surfaces “faces”. Just because the one close to your eye is shiny “reflection of light”, doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy seeing your finger print on another surface through the first. 

Politicians are normal people who go through a lot to put on a form of balance between what people need and what the elite dictate, simple. 

We .. are not very much different. We, in fact, are prisoners. 

I’m a prisoner. I leave home “or whatever that cold space is called” at 7 in the morning, get overworked “convinced I’m important” and cannot be free before 6 in the evening when I start to look for a meal and a desk to study hard for a few hours then fall asleep with a click. I’m serious, I just lay on bed and that’s it. 

I get 6 on-calls per month, during each I steal minutes to eat and smoke .. If I’m lucky I’d raise my legs for a while. By the end of the month; I get money to spend on shopping with no time to shop at all. So, I have to convince myself that I’m working not for the money “because it’s obviously useless”, rather to help people help themselves .. so they can get back to their own prison they call a job and raise money they have no time to utilize.

Now, when I get a chance to look at my bank statement I find much of that money, I’ve been given as a reward for the job I do, sent to multiple companies .. electricity, water, telecom, and many others. Yes, I remember signing all those contracts in order to make my flat on the west coast .. a beautiful home. 

Well, how do that paraplegic patient pay his bills? He’s been with my team for a month. He must be rich “smirk”. 

The politician is the one who’s convicted “by the society” for the crime of poor people for them not to have warm food, water, electricity and maybe formula powder for their children. 

But, we’re all hamsters in this system dictated by the elite. We’re all living our life running behind the “money”. 

How did 7 billion people gotten convinced that money is all that matters and simple needs are what’s today is called major elements of life? Houses in the city, fancy cars, accessories, plenty of food to throw away form the dining table, and a few other irrational things. 

The sad part is, if one of us doesn’t have those things .. we’d call him/her an unfortunate .. or less fortunate. Really ..!!.. 

See! We’re so busy and consumed that we cannot utilize the frontal lobes of our brains for one more task. How’re those less fortunate families doing? How did they survive winter? And that’s the point. We’re locked up, we have no communication with the outside world .. the very adjacent to us .. the rest of our own society that we try hard to fit in. 

What do we do? Correct. We get a lunatic from the media to tell us about them. 

Here’s a question. What happens to any one who gets enormously famous due to successful show on youtube or any other free media? Correct again. They get a contract with one of the major companies .. and correct again. Those companies are owned by the elite. 

It’s quite dangerous when someone gets famous “a role model” for a huge base of followers because that’s simply “influence” so the elite will hire anyone with “influence” to keep the vast majority of the crowd under control. So, through them, since we idolized them, they can dictate us over and over again. 

I’m really sorry McAdams got dementia and cannot remember Noah or her children. It was an epic love story. And if anyone believes they cannot get something because of stupid things like the stuff that kept Noah and .. what as her name in the film again!! Anyways .. the things that kept them apart, then they’re delusional. Because responsibility as much as it’s a norm, it’s a value too. You’re responsible for your success and happiness. If responsibility restrains your hands from reaching into happiness and forces you into accepting swallowing a blade; then you’re not a responsible person, you’re just a follower .. and have accepted the new religion blindlessley .. the religion of the elite .. it’s called Obedience. 

I’m glad I didn’t go to work today, although it sounds irresponsible because I had to ask my teammates to care for my patients and check on them, but on the other hand I’m being responsible for caring for myself and regaining my strength so I can help when I’m fit for the job, again. 

Oh, and that thing about my sour tea! It's life when you've got nothing to lose, you see what you are, truly. So, think again ..!!.. 

Fear not tomorrow, nor yesterday!

I’ve always believed that each and everyone is smart; we just can’t see it obvious. 

This world has changed so much while I know it’s not the world that changed, but I grow up everyday and I notice things in different ways than how I anticipated them to be, and of course, that’s yet not the ultimate truth on what things and people are. 

On the other hand; I see the world staying still .. I’ve seen evidences on how history is repeating itself. It doesn’t really change.

Tides, life is. I’m a bottle on top of a wave with no cap on. A wave fills my half one day, the sun dries it up .. all I’m left with is salt. Here’s the fun part. I’ve been created with a superpower; it’s called forgetfulness. Thanks to that I can remove the precipitated salt and come clean every time like a new born comes to life with nothing but a tendency to tan, like my left arm these days .. half tan half pale. 

A month ago, I decided to end my traveling and settle in for a while. Started practicing medicine and showed potentials to be a good neurosurgeon, yet; couldn’t drop my games. 

Overtime we see a patient in rounds; I’d go back asking for a thing; meds labels usually works best. 

As I stand their quietly, boom .. magic. A patient starts talking, complaining, being gloomy and transparent. It’s horrifying to see the other faces, the real feelings, and the major complains of the patients. 

At such moments I don’t feel my presence, and can’t even remember how I felt or dealt with the situation .. all I remember is the body language and words of the patients, and how they masked those feelings when people (staff, family or me before) were in the room a while ago. 

The weakest are the ones who mask up their issues and accept the least attention .. while others like to play games. 

If life was a man .. I’d say he’s a sarcastic one. There’s such a balance in the system of mankind that I, yet, cannot explain it or point at the constant .. but everybody got their equal share of joy and pain, they just can’t see it or appreciate it. 

All mankind are biting so hard on the tails of life’s beautiful dress and won’t be real humans (if the definition of humanity applies to mankind), until they’re struck with pain. Pain is the only thing yet I understand that humanize, de-demonize people. 

Pain of losing a loved one, or fearing to lose a loved one, be it another entity or their own; is the only human pain. Because only death is capable of breaking down a molecule of mankind into it’s empirical structure. 

People are like pasta, and pain is water. They’re covered with a layer of starch. You stir them in a pot!! starch makes bubbles at the top of water surface. Only boiling water “death” makes them spineless. 

And then I look at those with still strong hands who’s got more than their teeth to hold on into life’s beautiful dress. 

People abandoning their dreams in a desperate move to fit in. I have witnessed multiple cases of dreamy eyes re-establishing their interests and fighting for validation as they step out in the real world where responsibilities and life needs are heavy burdens. 

Rewind .. rewind is all it takes to explain why abandoning a parallel reality that once, not a long time ago, was an anchor to the so-called Reality is a downgrading of ones self. 

There’s that ancient joke that says: “i’ll do my assignment the last minute because then I’ll be older and wiser”. As much realistic and logical it sounds, as it’s a joke; that’s why it’s funny. 

“Do not walk the driven path, because it will take you only to where it took the others before”. 

Rushing into big decisions and reframing ones whole lifestyle upon what seems to be right during a new interval of life or after acquiring a new emblem is not an indication of misfit and thus does not necessarily mean that one has to fulfill every aspect of lifestyle that other in the new circle have fulfilled to be a fitting part of that society or circle. 

I have seen people trying to be friendly, nerdy, needy, greedy, romantic, drastic, because they think it’s a must to survive in the new environment and have to match the lifestyle of their new peers and competence. 

Those dreams, needs, and lifestyle aspects abandoned .. not all of them are anchors potentially dragging ones back into their old life; rather a mixture. Some of them are, in simple words, the engine that have driven them this far. And yes, of course, some others are anchors. 

Yet, a massive transformation means that peers on each level replicate and duplicate, rather than get to know new other people. 

And .. what’s wrong with the old life? It eventually lead them to where they are today .. why bite the hand that fed them!! 

Yes, it’s funny to hear someone who’s a fully grown woman talking about how much she dreams of visiting Disneyland in it’s new look, but it’s a drive, and maybe a need. 

These and many other things I can’t explain yet make me doubt this is Lady Life. Maybe it is the mistress, maybe. 

It’s so easy to lose people simply because our stars don’t match!! and so easy to go bankrupt because money is everything and everything is expensive .. so easy to lose myself if I tried to fit-in. 

Everybody claims to be different, and yet sacrifice to find similarities; to fin-in.

Well, I’m not similar and not different .. life is dark and tomorrow is unknown .. lets sale towards the darkness.

Only one thing is not easy; To make a child remember you, and receive you with a smile once they see you. 

The child is not a new addition to the number of mankind. It’s the one who’s got very little and needs very little. Like a mother, or a an actual kid.