Wednesday, 20 April 2016

Fear not tomorrow, nor yesterday!

I’ve always believed that each and everyone is smart; we just can’t see it obvious. 
This world has changed so much while I know it’s not the world that changed, but I grow up everyday and I notice things in different ways than how I anticipated them to be, and of course, that’s yet not the ultimate truth on what things and people are. 

On the other hand; I see the world staying still .. I’ve seen evidences on how history is repeating itself. It doesn’t really change.

Tides, life is. I’m a bottle on top of a wave with no cap on. A wave fills my half one day, the sun dries it up .. all I’m left with is salt. Here’s the fun part. I’ve been created with a superpower; it’s called forgetfulness. Thanks to that I can remove the precipitated salt and come clean every time like a new born comes to life with nothing but a tendency to tan, like my left arm these days .. half tan half pale. 

A month ago, I decided to end my traveling and settle in for a while. Started practicing medicine and showed potentials to be a good neurosurgeon, yet; couldn’t drop my games. 

Overtime we see a patient in rounds; I’d go back asking for a thing; meds labels usually works best. 
As I stand their quietly, boom .. magic. A patient starts talking, complaining, being gloomy and transparent. It’s horrifying to see the other faces, the real feelings, and the major complains of the patients. 
At such moments I don’t feel my presence, and can’t even remember how I felt or dealt with the situation .. all I remember is the body language and words of the patients, and how they masked those feelings when people (staff, family or me before) were in the room a while ago. 
The weakest are the ones who mask up their issues and accept the least attention .. while others like to play games. 

If life was a man .. I’d say he’s a sarcastic one. There’s such a balance in the system of mankind that I, yet, cannot explain it or point at the constant .. but everybody got their equal share of joy and pain, they just can’t see it or appreciate it. 
All mankind are biting so hard on the tails of life’s beautiful dress and won’t be real humans (if the definition of humanity applies to mankind), until they’re struck with pain. Pain is the only thing yet I understand that humanize, de-demonize people. 

Pain of losing a loved one, or fearing to lose a loved one, be it another entity or their own; is the only human pain. Because only death is capable of breaking down a molecule of mankind into it’s empirical structure. 

People are like pasta, and pain is water. They’re covered with a layer of starch. You stir them in a pot!! starch makes bubbles at the top of water surface. Only boiling water “death” makes them spineless. 

And then I look at those with still strong hands who’s got more than their teeth to hold on into life’s beautiful dress. 

People abandoning their dreams in a desperate move to fit in. I have witnessed multiple cases of dreamy eyes re-establishing their interests and fighting for validation as they step out in the real world where responsibilities and life needs are heavy burdens. 

Rewind .. rewind is all it takes to explain why abandoning a parallel reality that once, not a long time ago, was an anchor to the so-called Reality is a downgrading of ones self. 

There’s that ancient joke that says: “i’ll do my assignment the last minute because then I’ll be older and wiser”. As much realistic and logical it sounds, as it’s a joke; that’s why it’s funny. 

“Do not walk the driven path, because it will take you only to where it took the others before”. 
Rushing into big decisions and reframing ones whole lifestyle upon what seems to be right during a new interval of life or after acquiring a new emblem is not an indication of misfit and thus does not necessarily mean that one has to fulfill every aspect of lifestyle that other in the new circle have fulfilled to be a fitting part of that society or circle. 

I have seen people trying to be friendly, nerdy, needy, greedy, romantic, drastic, because they think it’s a must to survive in the new environment and have to match the lifestyle of their new peers and competence. 

Those dreams, needs, and lifestyle aspects abandoned .. not all of them are anchors potentially dragging ones back into their old life; rather a mixture. Some of them are, in simple words, the engine that have driven them this far. And yes, of course, some others are anchors. 
Yet, a massive transformation means that peers on each level replicate and duplicate, rather than get to know new other people. 
And .. what’s wrong with the old life? It eventually lead them to where they are today .. why bite the hand that fed them!! 

Yes, it’s funny to hear someone who’s a fully grown woman talking about how much she dreams of visiting Disneyland in it’s new look, but it’s a drive, and maybe a need. 

These and many other things I can’t explain yet make me doubt this is Lady Life. Maybe it is the mistress, maybe. 
It’s so easy to lose people simply because our stars don’t match!! and so easy to go bankrupt because money is everything and everything is expensive .. so easy to lose myself if I tried to fit-in. 
Everybody claims to be different, and yet sacrifice to find similarities; to fin-in.
Well, I’m not similar and not different .. life is dark and tomorrow is unknown .. lets sale towards the darkness.

Only one thing is not easy; To make a child remember you, and receive you with a smile once they see you. 

The child is not a new addition to the number of mankind. It’s the one who’s got very little and needs very little. Like a mother, or a an actual kid. 

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